I was wrong. Bollixed after working a late shift in work that night and with no clue as to what I was actually looking at, I switched off within 30 minutes after becoming incredibly irritated with the bombardment of ads which accompanied every break in the game. In that 30 minutes, I reckon I saw probably two plays (this is probably an exaggeration).
Fast-forward to the present, I now have friends who take a genuine interest in the sport, particularly where I work. The curiosity returned, so I said, fuck it, let's give 'er another whirl except this time, do it right and actually watch the thing with people who know the game.
Later this evening, I'm heading out with a group of NFL aficionados to a Super Bowl party hosted by a Dublin-based American Football Club, the Dublin Rebels, in The Odeon on Harcourt Street. It seemed wise to brush up on my knowledge of the sport ahead of Super Bowl 53 - which of course will be contested by the Los Angeles Rams and the New England Patriots - so below find seven things I've 'learned' in the last few days about the NFL and American football.
1. It's Super Bowl, not Superbowl
I didn't stop to think about this distinction until I was proof-reading this post. Once caught, it became number one on the list.
2. Watching real life American football is much different to watching movies about American football
As mentioned earlier, first time around I thought enjoying epic cinematics featuring the Rock inspiring juvenile criminals to turn their lives around; James Van Der Beek ending Jon Voight's reign of terror as coach of a high school football team; Denzel Washington overcoming racial tensions to unify his own high school football team; and Adam Sandler repeatedly hitting a dodgy ref in the genitals with pinpoint throws of the pigskin would be enough to understand how the game worked. I know better now, but still want see Facing the Giants because this death crawl scene is fantastic.
"DON'T QUIT!" Source: Tony DiFranco YouTube channel.
3. The hook & ladder play is a real thing
Following on from watching movies based around American football, I recently received a price request in work from somebody wanting to bet on the Rams to run "a hook & ladder play" during the Super Bowl. I sat there staring at the screen thinking to myself, "where the fuck did I hear that phrase before?" And then it dawned on me - the hook & ladder was the game-winning play made by the Coyotes and Van Der Beek in Varsity Blues.
"Billy Bob, Billy Bob, Billy Bob!" Source: Movieclips YouTube channel.
Watching the beautiful Billy Bob redeem himself by finally catching a football and getting over the line to grab the glory - it's poetry in motion. As for the play itself, it never entered my head that it was something that might actually happen in a game of football as, in my uneducated mind, it's mainly a running game once the quarter-back throws the ball. Seemingly, though, this play is actually executed a fair bit, so I live in hope of seeing Billy Bob incarnate tonight.
These are good, but they're not quite Billy Bob. Source: Highlight Heaven YouTube channel.
4. Everyone hates Pats, but people are afraid of Rams winning because it might make Arsenal good, basically
This one I got from one of the lads I'm heading out with later. Seemingly, the Pats are essentially universally hated because they're too good - being a 'soccer' fan (I only use the word for the sake of clarification given the topic of this post), I equate this to how people vehemently hated Manchester United throughout Sir Alex Ferguson's reign as manager.
The Rams, meanwhile, only returned to LA in 2016 and have since undergone a resurgence which has seen them claim their first NFC West title since 2003 and reach their first Bowl game since 2002. However, they are owned by Stan Kroenke, who also happens to own Premier League club Arsenal, so the fear is that if the Rams win, one of two things will happen: either Kroenke will pump the money back into the NFL franchise to make them stronger; or the victory will be so profitable that it will allow Kroenke to give the Gunners the financial firepower to compete properly in the transfer market.
My friend explained all this as he told me that I had to choose which of the two sides I wanted to win the Super Bowl - despite the "dilemma" of the choice, I was informed that a choice had to be made. Personally, I love a good underdog story, so I reckon I'll back the Rams to win (as much as a franchise reportedly valued at over $3 billion can be underdogs anyway). If Arsenal reap the benefits, that's not my problem unless they somehow draw Shels in a European game in the next three seasons.
5. Teams can change cities?
Just on the Rams relocating back to LA which I glossed over in the point above, discovering this blew my mind and made me realise that I clearly should have paid closer attention when this very topic was explored in the cult classic, BASEketball.
"The Jazz moved to Salt Lake City where they don't allow music." Source: Philip Sue YouTube channel.
6. American football is just rugby except slower
Having discovered that American football owes its origins to a combination of rugby and 'soccer', it is clear to me now that football is just a rugby game with a few additional rules that I don't understand dragged out for three hours, give or take.* If this statement results in me getting my head bashed in by some irate NFL fans later, tell my family not to look inside the third drawer of my cupboard - they don't want to know, trust me.
7. I should learn to appreciate the Super Bowl ads more
Apparently, the bombardment of ads which I detested so much the first time I tried to watch the Super Bowl are actually the reason why a lot of people tune into the event - with some folks even throwing Super Bowl ad parties. The lists of games people play which revolve around the ads all seem like hilarious craic, so much so that I'm actually raging that I'm not going to a gaff party where I could force people to participate. But listen, I suppose there's always next year, so get your excuses ready now.
I don't drink, but this Super Bowl ad nearly convinced me. Source: Mediabistro YouTube Channel.
In conclusion...
I still don't know what a first down is, but apparently if Pats win, Tom Brady will set a record for most Super Bowl wins with 6, and we can't be having that, so #GORAMS!
*for the record, I also know nothing about rugby.
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